So how do we ever experience intimacy as long as our hearts are fully guarded, armored up for battle? How do we let down our guard when we think we're going to feel the sting of human insufficiency and vulnerability again?

Before Intimacy Can Happen

I often hear people say that women want intimacy more than men, but I don’t think that’s true at all. I think every soul wants to connect beyond the surface experience of daily living and into the depths of authentic humanness where we’re all worthy, loved, and acceptable exactly as we are. To experience intimacy is the whole purpose behind our desire for a relationship, a chance to see ourselves as the love we are at our very core.

But,

I can tell you from years of experience that intimacy’s never going to happen if we don’t like who we are!! Never!! We’re going to guard that f–ing door to the depths of our being like Fluffy, the three-headed dog in the Harry Potter series. When we’re unhappy with our soul and our secrets, we snap and growl anytime someone gets close to the truth of our inherent human weakness. We don’t want anyone to touch our pain and who can blame us? It hurts.

So how do we ever experience intimacy as long as our hearts are fully guarded, armored up for battle? How do we let down our guard when we think we're going to feel the sting of human insufficiency and vulnerability again?Many of us carry around a lot of misunderstanding around being vulnerable in the past and being hurt. Every time we face rejection we almost always interpret the experience as “something’s wrong with me.” We try to determine what’s not acceptable and then we hide it or pretend it doesn’t exist. These secrets we harbor become our pain points and anyone who gets close enough is bound to trigger them eventually. Shutting down and closing off is how we keep them safe. But intimacy becomes impossible when we’re closed off.

So how do we ever experience intimacy as long as our hearts are fully armored? How do we let our guard down when we know we’re going to feel the sting of human insufficiency and vulnerability again?

First, you have to learn to love yourself fully, including all the parts that might not win approval. You must love all of it, not just the skin you are in, but all the dark crevices you dislike and keep hidden from view. How can you ever expect another person to love you fully if you don’t love yourself? Without self-love, you’ll always be putting off “I’m not love-worthy vibes” and you’ll attract people who prove that.

So stop.

Commit to unearthing all of your insecurities and learn to love and accept them. You know what they are…your secrets.  They are an important part of what makes you a human being with depth and feeling. When you allow them to be seen you give others permission to be real and human too. You’ll know you’re getting there when you’re okay sharing them with others, regardless of the outcome.

For years, I thought that making mistakes made me unlovable, so I pretended to be smart and infallible. But the truth is, I’m not. There’s a lot I don’t know and I make a fair amount of mistakes. I had to own my fears about being wrong and understand their source and their power. In this way, I learned to stop trying to pretend I was perfect. I could allow others to see me fail and keep going. As a result, I found a little pride in my willingness to learn and grow. Now I can ask for help and support when I need it, something that was impossible (and stressful) before.

The truth is we’re all vulnerable; it’s just that some of us are better armored than others.

But no one can really love a person who’s guarded. Learning to allow others to really see us takes practice. It takes courage. It requires a willingness to let down your guard, not for another, but for the freedom of your own heart. And the more you do it, the easier it becomes.

When we courageously allow another to see our fears and insecurities, doubts and uncertainties, then we’re being intimate, even if the other can’t fully appreciate what we’re offering. Intimacy isn’t a guarantee that lovers will stay, it’s a promise that your love runs deep and wide and free. It’s a promise you make to yourself, to learn and experience intimacy in your life, not just a singular relationship…although I believe that will happen too.

Hey, I’ve got two free gifts to help you with your self-love journey.

Please download and share them with your friends.

Emergence – a 30-day Self-love Discovery Journal

and

Your very own Personal Self-Love Contract

I hope you enjoy them!!

www.soulsetinmotion.com

Image by StockSnap from Pixabay

Your Life, Your Adventure

Do you long to feel accepted for who you are? Want more love and connection in your life? Desire a greater sense of belonging? A greater sense of adventure? If you answered YES to these questions, then you're hearing the call of your Soul longing for freedom! Will you answer? I want to give you a Free 30-Day Self-Discovery Journal to get started. Click the Download button and it's yours.

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