Looking for Love in All the Right Places
Once upon a time,
there was a woman in search of love. She looked everywhere; first in the eyes of her parents, then men, and then the world-at-large. She dated, married, divorced, married again, divorced. Love seemed impossible. Alone with three children to raise, she began to wonder what she was doing wrong. Finding love seemed like nothing more than a crapshoot in the dark.
That was me at 32, lonely, confused, and totally defeated.
I wanted so badly for someone to love me, but in reality, I didn’t know how to love others. And I definitely didn’t know how to set the standards for how I needed to be loved. Obviously, I had a lot to learn.
So I started this blog, Soul Set in Motion (SSIM), to document my self-love journey. At the time, I wanted answers! I had a feeling there was a different kind of love I’d never experienced and another place where love could be found. So the blog began as an intentional quest to find the source of my love and my joy. Yes, it was mostly a selfish endeavor.
I was done being a whiny passenger in my own life, continually asking, “Are we there yet?” Once I began blogging, I felt I had a responsibility to myself and the blog to take an honest look at what I was learning, both the exciting stuff and the difficult, painful parts of the journey. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve revisited the same lessons over and over! Because transformation isn’t always easy nor is it fast. It’s taken a lot of courage to keep going on this journey and not allow myself to get caught up in the times when I’m full of doubt and uncertainty.
Six years later…
What I’ve learned so far is there are no solid answers about life, what it’s all about and what we’re supposed to be doing. I don’t think anyone ever really figures that out, but there are experiences that can help us uncover glimpses of a greater purpose and I’m pretty confident they center on loving and being loved.
You see, when you open the door to your heart, your soul begins to express the language of love. And even if it’s a foreign tongue to you in the beginning, it will teach you. It will teach you who you really are and why you’re here. It will teach you that your love is what you’ve been looking for and you have to find a way to make that good enough for you. It will teach you that the greatest adventure is the one you take to discover the truth about your own greatness. Those are just some of the lessons I’ve been sharing with you.
During the six years I’ve been blogging, the question of value and time spent writing has continually been raised by well-intentioned friends and family, as well as by my own doubtful psyche. A weekly blog should make money. Right?
Anyone will tell you that you need a branded message, a focus, a clearly identified reader, and well, a schtick, so to speak. I felt pressured to satisfy my readers by giving them what they want and need, valuable information that would help them on their own journey, guidelines, tips, and advice.
And so my focus shifted slightly to satisfy the status quo of the blogging community. The SSIM blog became an informational forum on spiritual growth and empowerment. My offering shifted from working through my own journey to helping others navigate theirs. It was a smart move at the time and I don’t regret it one iota.
However, I discovered that I still needed a forum for my own questions (you see, they never stop). I needed to muse about the things that confused me, the stuff I wasn’t sure about and the stuff that scared me or brought me to my knees. And that’s why I created a second blog, a place where I could be inquisitive, less formal, less certain. At the time I was also learning what it’s like to keep love alive even when you’re single so I called it, A Girl on Her Own: looking for love in all the right places. I still treasure that blog like a cherished lover, an illicit affair.
So this is my confession:
I feel like I’ve been cheating on my SSIM readers. You see, I’m not giving you all of me, not even close. The content I share at A Girl on Her Own is definitely more emotional, rawer in a sense. The writing isn’t polished or cared for, it’s poured onto the page, all the stuff – lonely, sad, curious, confused, adventurous, silly, frustrated, and hopeful. I don’t have all the answers and I don’t feel like I need to. There are times when I’m writing about an experience over there and it feels like I’m back at the beginning of SSIM, joyously writing about my self-love journey and what I’m learning even now, after all this time.
This brings me to an important consideration and I wanted to let you in on it. First I want to say that I realize now, I needed both blogs. Making the separation and exploring two facets of my writing voice has been an important part of my growth as a writer. I needed someplace to explore my expertise and to become confident with the things I believe, things I know can help each and every one of us grow in Spirit and in Love. I wanted to know what it felt like to educate others with my writing.
I also needed a place to share my insecurities and fears because they are the fuel for my transformation, the source of my own education. We all have the shadow and we can’t truly connect as human beings without exposing the light and the dark. Who wants to be only one half of the yin and the yang?
Yet for the last few months, I’ve been considering ending A Girl on Her Own. For a lot of reasons (money, time, and energy being at the top of the list) it doesn’t seem practical to keep it. I have been up and down on this roller coaster of deciding how and when to end it for months. That is until I had an epiphany about combining the two blogs, bringing back together what was once split apart.
When this idea entered my mind, I breathed a great sigh of relief. Even though I didn’t know how I would make it work I knew that it was possible and that SSIM might be better for it.
Now, I value my readers and have made certain commitments I don’t want to back down on. One is to limit my emails to once a week unless I’m giving away free stuff or launching a new product or event. During those occasional times, you might see reminders. Heck, I don’t want you to miss out on the good stuff! That won’t change, ever, even if I publish (online) five articles in one week; you’ll only get one.
My second commitment is to share only things that will bring value to your life, not random shit. My concern is that you may not want to delve into my more personal stories, the gritty trial and error of living and learning, and I get that. My intent would be to blend the two in a way that makes the blog more relatable. I’m still working out the deets, but before I pull the trigger,
I want to know what you think.
If you’ve never visited A Girl on Her Own, I invite you to check it out. I care about you and it’s important to me that you find value in the time you spend with my blog. I don’t want to ruin it for anyone, so take some time, maybe five to ten minutes, and read a thing or two from my other blog then let me know if you think it would be compatible with your interest in Soul Set in Motion’s focus at this time.
Thanks for being on this journey with me. I’m looking forward to 2020 and what I can offer you and others on a spiritual path toward passion and purpose.